It's A Plastic Life

Have you asked your doctor about being checked for ass-cancer?

I wake up and roll over on my pillow, filled with foamed plastic and covered in a plastic pillowcase.

Have a nice stretch, in plastic bedsheets on a mattress filled with plastic fibers.

Get up, my feet touch the floor, give my toes a nice morning wiggle on a carpet made of plastic fibers.

Open the curtains, made of plastic fibers.

Put on some clothes, mostly made of plastic fibers. Getting a bit expensive for "natural" fibers, y'know?

The water (filled with microplastics at the fresh mountain source) in my tap travels through kilometers of plastic piping and tubing. Have a stiff cool drink from my plastic cup.

I brush my teeth with plastic fibers on a plastic handle, toothpaste from a plastic tube.

Make some coffee / tea in a plastic kettle, mix in some honey from a plastic container, using a plastic spoon.

Pour my breakfast oats out of a plastic bag, add some milk from a plastic carton.

Toss back a few vitamins from their plastic container, it's important to stay healthy.

Tie on my shoes, plastic soles are starting to look a bit worn down - time for a new pair.

Throw my lunch in a scratched-up plastic container, into my backpack made of plastic, head out the door (which is wood, painted with a plastic based paint).

Keycard for the door is plastic, I've lost a couple, no biggie.

Hop into my truck, cab decked out door to door in plastic, settle into my plastic seat, turn on the cabin heater full blast through its plastic filter.

Head off to work, what a gorgeous sunrise.

(workday events transpire, lets keep this brief).

Get home, oh nice an Amazon package has arrived! Toss another plastic shipping envelope on the trash pile, seems they aren’t “recyclable” anymore.

Time to go for a run, slip on my plastic gym clothes and plastic runners and hit the pavement.

Focus on breathing deeply to keep my cardio pace, while the cars whizz by beside me, polymer tires humming on the asphalt.

Cook some dinner: meat packed in styrofoam and plastic, veggies from a plastic bag, nice acidic sauces from plastic containers. 

Pack up the leftovers into plastic containers. 

Time to kick back and relax, chilling out on my couch made of plastic. 

Can’t tell if I should pick up my plastic controller and play a game, watch something on my plastic TV, or just pick up my plastic Ereader with its plastic cover and read a book.

Maybe I’ll just pull the plastic microfiber blanket close and get high and browse the social feed instead.

Bit smoky outside, glad I have a new HEPA air filter, so much easier to breath when the dense plastic weave inside traps the wildfire particulate.

Crack open a beer or soda, sipping that sweet high PH liquid from the plastic liner inside the can. 

Repeat the first few steps of the day in reverse, settling down into my plastic bed for a peaceful 8 hours of slumber.

Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings! Another beautiful day on this glorious planet we call home, I'm sure. Glad I focus on living a clean healthy life!


In 1950, the world produced 2 million metric tons of plastic every year. In 2023, production was over 400 million metric tons.